Whenever people asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, I’d shrug and say “I don’t know.” I had some ideas in my head, but I knew they weren't what anyone wanted to hear. My answer would never be "right," so I played dumb. I just didn't understand people who dreamed of being ordinary things, despite how great they might be. I wished I could be satisfied with those things, but nothing was good enough.
I wanted magic. I wanted adventure, danger, and the kind of relationships that only develop out of experiencing these huge, life changing situations together. Basically, I wanted to live inside a book.
I didn't know how to put all of this, even to myself, at that age. Instead, I thought I was dreaming about being in movies. Not in the "I wanna be a star!" kind of way, but because I wanted to live in fantasy worlds. I wanted to experience life in stories, and play different characters. I'd taken some acting classes, and it was a ton of fun. Being a "movie star" was, I thought, the closest I could get to leaving reality behind.
But some things weren’t right.
Starting out as an actor means taking any job you can get. You don’t get to pick the parts you play, and the worlds you live in. And even if I did make it big, I still wouldn’t have complete control over what I was in. I’ve got the look of the classic creepy girl in a horror movie. I’d probably get type-casted, and never get to be a Hannah or an Eva. I realized I needed control of the fantasy world I wished to live in.
And even if I became a huge star, Hollywood fame isn’t the kind of fame I want. I don’t want to be on magazine covers with paparazzi all up in my business every day. I don’t want people focused on how I’m dressed, if I’ve gained/lost weight, what I look like without make-up, and when I’m going to have babies. I don’t want fame for an “image.” Let’s face it, I’m the biggest introvert on the planet.
If only I could somehow put the fantasy world, the story, and the characters before me. If only I could be known for a story while continuing a peaceful, quiet life. Think about it. When was the last time you saw an author in the tabloids?
The pieces started to come together. So, you want to live in a fantasy world, one that you control, and you want your world to be more famous than you are? You want to make actual magic that you can share with others? Hm... I wonder what you should do?
The story itself answered my questions before I even reached the word "author." I already had Ellie and Savannah chatting at me inside my head. I already had what I didn't know what a book series forming. I wasn't a writer, but finally I thought, hey, why should that stop me?
Even when I started writing, I didn't consider myself "a writer." Which is why it took me longer than it should have to realized the answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up?" was "An author."
I'm glad I finally got there.
I wanted magic. I wanted adventure, danger, and the kind of relationships that only develop out of experiencing these huge, life changing situations together. Basically, I wanted to live inside a book.
I didn't know how to put all of this, even to myself, at that age. Instead, I thought I was dreaming about being in movies. Not in the "I wanna be a star!" kind of way, but because I wanted to live in fantasy worlds. I wanted to experience life in stories, and play different characters. I'd taken some acting classes, and it was a ton of fun. Being a "movie star" was, I thought, the closest I could get to leaving reality behind.
But some things weren’t right.
Starting out as an actor means taking any job you can get. You don’t get to pick the parts you play, and the worlds you live in. And even if I did make it big, I still wouldn’t have complete control over what I was in. I’ve got the look of the classic creepy girl in a horror movie. I’d probably get type-casted, and never get to be a Hannah or an Eva. I realized I needed control of the fantasy world I wished to live in.
And even if I became a huge star, Hollywood fame isn’t the kind of fame I want. I don’t want to be on magazine covers with paparazzi all up in my business every day. I don’t want people focused on how I’m dressed, if I’ve gained/lost weight, what I look like without make-up, and when I’m going to have babies. I don’t want fame for an “image.” Let’s face it, I’m the biggest introvert on the planet.
If only I could somehow put the fantasy world, the story, and the characters before me. If only I could be known for a story while continuing a peaceful, quiet life. Think about it. When was the last time you saw an author in the tabloids?
The pieces started to come together. So, you want to live in a fantasy world, one that you control, and you want your world to be more famous than you are? You want to make actual magic that you can share with others? Hm... I wonder what you should do?
The story itself answered my questions before I even reached the word "author." I already had Ellie and Savannah chatting at me inside my head. I already had what I didn't know what a book series forming. I wasn't a writer, but finally I thought, hey, why should that stop me?
Even when I started writing, I didn't consider myself "a writer." Which is why it took me longer than it should have to realized the answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up?" was "An author."
I'm glad I finally got there.
RSS Feed