That’s right, we’re still not done with yesterday’s topic.
When I was in fifth grade, I had always been told I was a good girl. A good student, and, mainly because I was so quiet, a good listener. The truth was, the more my little mind developed, the easier it was becoming to fall into that vast expanse of daydreams. I could appear to be listening quietly, and looking directly at you, while in truth I was spacing out while I just happened to be pointed in the direction of your face. We did an exercise on following directions, and literally every person in the class failed it. Including me. Now, you might think that wouldn’t bother me, because if everyone in the class failed, how could I take it personally that I failed? Because I also believed I was different.
This was the first little wake up call for me. Thinking something about yourself doesn’t always make it true. Maybe it was true in the past, but once you stop trying, that trait can go away.
Once I took a philosophy class, and one of the major questions is “Are humans inherently good or evil?”
My answer is neither. Most of the times I’ve been wronged, it’s been out of cluelessness, not cruelty. I’ve said before that most people want to be good, even if their not inherently good. It’s kind of troubling to simply believe you’re inherently good. If you think you’re already kind, and kindness is an inherent trait of yours, you can hurt people without thinking, and still walk away with the opinion that you’re a good person. Maybe you made a mistake, but it was a fluke. You’re a good person, so you would never deliberately hurt someone. It had to be a fluke. But soon enough your brushing off every mistake, because if you are good, why should you have to try to be good?
That incident in fifth grade made me realize I was becoming complacent (though I didn’t know what that word meant at the time). Listening did require effort. And as my daydreams fought harder and harder to pull me into the world that would someday become The Mansion’s Twins, paying attention to anything else became incredibly hard.
I don’t remember how exactly I applied this concept to kindness. Perhaps it was from watching the other people in my life. I’ve been lucky enough to have a few friends who are absolute shining stars. They’re always smiling at everyone, full of genuine kind words, with a persistent positive attitude. I’m not mean, but I’m no shining star. It takes effort sometimes, to smile and greet everyone with a genuine, “Good morning, how are you?” or to not complain, to always look on the bright side, and to be a light for others. So, I thought, maybe I’m not the best of people. Maybe I should try harder to be like those I admire.
Being a "Good Person" isn't a straightforward journey where you reach a clear destination. Even the Senka twins aren't always "the good guys." But they are still heroes because they'll forever question what it means to be heroes.
As June would say:
"Even heroes have darkness inside them. And even villains have light and love."